I am a musician and over the years have had a 'take it or leave it' attitude towards music. I have been blessed with musical talents, playing a variety of instruments, composing music, teaching. Music is a familiar shore and one that I have felt strangely illusive about landing on.
At a Family Constellation workshop with Sarasi, during one meditation we were asked to sense which of our ancestors was standing in front of us and which was standing behind. My maternal grandfather was behind me and it was like he had stepped into my life, closer than I had ever felt him during his life.
Since it was my turn to be interviewed, I shared about him, how lovely it felt to have him close. He was a musician and composer but my appreciation of this had been veiled by family history mainly concerning his infidelity. I was carrying a pack of inherited judgements but as I shared about them, a tremendous love and appreciation of who he was began to emerge. I could feel where my creative gifts had come from and I felt so grateful.
My constellation actually concerned the other side of my family but my maternal grandfather did show up. When the constellation was complete and reconciliation had been achieved he spoke up. 'I am so proud of you' he said, 'and I love what you are doing with music'. It cracked my heart open. It was such a healing moment. This sense of connection and acknowledgment from him had me feel so loved and cherished. It connected me into my family ancestry more deeply than I had ever felt before.
The following weekend, my mum was having a musical party to celebrate her 70th birthday. Whilst pondering what I would play at the party, it became completely clear that I would play some compositions of my grandfather as a surprise for my mum. My aunt was visiting the following day and brought a folder of his music. My brother agreed to play/sing some of his duets and we decided that the whole party would sing one of his madrigals. It felt like I brought him to the party.
Having shared his music I thanked him for what he had brought to my life and in appreciation, I sang one of his songs.
The constellation was complete!
That feeling of being 'at sea' with music changed. I honour it more wholly and am moving with the natural tide of its presence in my life.
What a gift.