Healing through Family Constellation
Through Constellation work I began to discover that I had a ‘proper place in the scheme of things’. My personal journey has been one of fear, exile and loneliness. Severed from my roots and heritage I have often felt lost and not able to flourish. I also carried unknown burdens, heavy with the dark, haunting shadows of buried family secrets. These burdens caused a constant internal pressure that had the twinned manifestations of seeking healing on the one hand, and sinking into depression and mental turmoil on the other.
Now, at the age of 42, I am more able to trust that there is an inherent order at the level of being. This does not mean that I’ve been relieved of the challenges in my life but that through Constellation work they have been realigned and placed in a context that guides and supports my life. This knowledge in itself has dissolved the feeling of existential isolation.
What I became aware of in the simple act of setting up my first Constellation two years ago, and being invited to participate in the Constellations of others, was the wondrous and profoundly moving multitude of our stories and experiences. To witness how others inhabited my life, and the lives of my family and ancestors, and to also step into their shoes was to find a commonality that was humane and humbling without being reductive. There is a mystery at the heart of this work which like an unseen web of love restores in the participants their ability to heal themselves and to touch how existence is there to support them in this endeavour.
Along the female line of my family, daughters have repeatedly been denied any inheritance or share in the family wealth, thereby repeatedly forcing them to give up their creativity, to abandon their dreams and enter into marriage and childbirth as the only way to gain any legitimate standing in society. It was therefore no coincidence that I have never wanted children, refused marriage and had an abortion in my late twenties. Until I did the Constellation though these facts of my life seemed only to attest to some inability in me to participate fully in life, and also caused me much pain and grief, because I did not understand the forces which were driving them.
Along the male line, I discovered the presence of the deep trauma that comes into being when men are forced into acts of violence to prove not only their manhood, but a self-destructive allegiance to a religion and nationhood. Although I have a father, and knew my grandfather as a child, emotionally and energetically these men have not been present in their lives or in mine. Instead they have been imprisoned and tortured by unconscious guilt that has surfaced in alcoholism, migration from their homeland and withdrawal from relationship. In effect, therefore, there never was anyone for me to ‘marry’ as in the absence of experiencing the backing of a father figure a daughter is excluded from being able to access the flow of positive male energy in her life.
Within a year of the Constellation, on the female side my mother inherited the family fortune from an aunt who had been the ‘unrightful’ keeper of the money neither my mother or grandmother had ever been able to share in.
A year to the day of the Constellation, on the male side I was able to form a relationship with a man who shares my father’s origins and with whom I can at last experience and nurture the love that I have longed for most of my life.
As I stand now in my life now I often feel suffused with an immense gratitude that I trusted the inner guidance that took me to Constellation work. The darkness has lifted, the burdens have eased. I feel lighter, and much more responsive to what life has to offer. I am also able to see myself and others with a degree of compassion and acceptance that was not there before.
I thank Sarasi and Manohar for creating and holding a space of love. And I thank all my Constellation companions whose courage to reveal themselves so fully is the measure of my own healing.
With love and joy